Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
