I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
