she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
