I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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