tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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