Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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