using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
