she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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