i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
