I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
