I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
