Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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