I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
