I met the friendliest cop last night
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
