Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
