You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
