Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
