i barfeds in our rink
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
