Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
