I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
