youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
