my soul wont recognize me after tonight
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
