You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
