don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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