Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
