names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
