I'm lost and stupid without you.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
