If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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