So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
