the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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