Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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