just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
