It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
