i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
