So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
