I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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