I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
either way he was missing a nipple.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
