omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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