If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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