i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
