how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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