Pregnant stripper...not hot.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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