If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
