you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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