it was like eating out sand paper
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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