Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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