just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
