I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
