I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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