Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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