It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
