I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
