Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
