apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
