no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
