I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Randomize
